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1 人回報・3 年前
Sunday Morning Sex

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
If you do not laugh at this, then you are seriously depressed,

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  • So, we didn't have enough money to make international phone calls every week. And so, my parents gave us this tape deck. This Aiwa tape deck. And a tape. And so every month, we would sit in front of that tape deck. And my older brother, Jeff, and I, the two of us would just tell them what we did. The whole month. Wow! And we would send that tape by mail. And my parents would take that tape and record back on top of it and send it back to us. Wow! Could you imagine? For two years. Wow! Is that tape still existed of these two kids just describing their first experience with the United States? Like I remember telling my parents that I joined the swim team. My roommate was really buff, and so every day we spent a lot of time in the gym. And so, every night, 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, every day in the gym. So, I was nine years old. I was getting pretty buff. And so I joined the soccer team, I joined the swim team because if you joined the team, they'd take you to meets. And then afterwards, you get to go to a nice restaurant. And that nice restaurant was McDonald's. Wow! And and I recorded this thing. I said, "Mom and Dad, we went to the most amazing restaurant today." This whole place is lit up, it's like the future. And you the food comes in a box. The food is incredible. The hamburger is incredible. It was McDonald's. But anyhow, wouldn't it be amazing? Oh my god! Two years. Yeah, two years. Yeah. My parents are incredible actually. They're they grew up really poor. And um when they came to the United States, they had almost no money. They came and we were we were staying in a in a apartment complex. They had just rent back in the I guess people still do rent rent their furniture. Yeah. We were messing around. We bumped into the coffee table and crushed it. It was made out of particle wood. We crushed it. And I just still remember the look on my mom's face, you know, because they didn't have any money and she didn't know how she was going to pay it back. But anyhow, that's that kind of tells you how hard it was for them to come here. But they they left everything behind and all they had was their suitcase and the money they had in their pocket. They came to the United States to pursue the American dream. How old were they when they were pursuing the American dream? They were in their 40s. Wow! Yeah, late late 30s. Pursue the American dream. This is this is the American dream. People who are successful leave the impression often that that our job gives us great joy. I think largely it does. That our jobs, we're passionate about our work. Um and that passion relates to it's just so much fun. I think it largely is. But it it it distracts from, in fact, a lot of success comes from really really hard work. Yes. There's long periods of suffering and loneliness and uncertainty and fear and embarrassment and humiliation. All of the feelings that we most not love. That creating something from the ground up. And and Elon will tell you something similar. Very difficult to invent something new. Yeah. And people people don't believe you all the time. You're humiliated often, disbelieved most of the time. And so, so people forget that part of success. And and I I don't think it's healthy. I think it's it's good that we pass that forward and let people know that that it's just part of the journey.
    1 人回報・1 則回應・6 個月前
  • So, we didn't have enough money to make, you know, international phone calls every week. And so, my parents gave us this tape deck. This Aiwa tape deck. And a tape. And so, every month we would sit in front of that tape deck and my older brother Jeff and I, the two of us would just tell them what we did the whole month. Wow. And we would send that tape by mail. And my parents would take that tape and record back on top of it and send it back to us. Wow. Could you imagine if for two years, wow, if that tape still existed, of these two kids just describing their first experience with United States. I remember telling my parents that that I joined the swim team. My roommate was really buff and so, every day we spent a lot of time in the gym. And so, every night 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups every day in the gym. So, I was nine years old. I was getting, I was pretty buff. And so, I joined the soccer team. I joined the swim team because if you join the team, they take you to meets and then afterwards you get to go to a nice restaurant. And that nice restaurant was McDonald's. Wow. And and I recorded this thing. I said, "Mom and Dad, we went to the most amazing restaurant today." This whole place is lit up. It's like the future. And the food comes in a box. And the food is incredible. The hamburger is incredible. It was McDonald's. But anyhow, it it wouldn't be amazing. Oh my God. Two years? Yeah, two years. Yeah. My parents are incredible actually. They're just they grew up really poor. And when they came to United States, they had almost no money. They came and we were we were staying in a in a in a apartment complex. They had just rent back in the I guess people still do rent rent a bunch of furniture. And we were messing around. We bumped into the coffee table and crushed it. It was made out of particle wood. We crushed it. And I just still remember the look on my mom's face, you know, because they didn't have any money and she didn't know how she was going to pay it back. And but anyhow, that's that kind of tells you how hard it was for them to come here. But they they left everything behind and all they had was their suitcase and the money that had in your in their pocket. They came to United States to pursue the American dream. How old were they? They were in their 40s. Wow. Yeah, late late 30s. Pursue the American dream. This this is the American dream. People who are successful leave the impression often that that our job gives us great joy. I think largely it does. That our jobs, we're passionate about our work. And that passion relates to it's just so much fun. I think largely it is. But it it distracts from in fact, a lot of success comes from really, really hard work. Yes. There's long periods of suffering and loneliness and uncertainty and fear and embarrassment and humiliation. All of the feelings that we most not love. That creating something from the ground up. And and Elon will tell you something similar. Very difficult to invent something new. Yeah. And people people don't believe you all the time. You're humiliated often. Disbelieved most of the time. And so, so people forget that part of success and and I I don't think it's health I think it's it's good that we pass that forward and let people know that that it's just part of the journey. Yes.
    1 人回報・1 則回應・6 個月前
  • Welcome to America's Got Talent. Thanks. Who are you? My name's Ethan Jan. I'm from Redlands, California. How old are you? I'm 17 years old. 17 years old. So you're in school? Yeah, I'm a junior in high school. And what do you want to be when you grow up? I actually don't really have much of an idea. Well, what are you going to do for us? Just going to do a quick Rubik's Cube act. You make it sound so much more exciting than it actually is. Do you think you can win this contest? Hmm. Well, that's the spirit. Yeah. Okay. I cannot wait to see what you're going to do right here. Thanks. Go ahead, buddy. So judges, may I please come down to the front desk over there? Please. The front desk? We're not checking you out. Or desk. Do you want to talk to the concierge? All right. So in front of the four of you, there's a Rubik's Cube. Could all of you please scramble them up as much as you would like? Like whatever we want? Yes. Okay. You know what I used to do when I couldn't figure it out? I would take all the stickers off and re-stick them. All right. Now that these Rubik's Cubes are all scrambled up, I'm going to do something a little bit fun. What's the next level? Upstairs. He's a genius. Howie, that's what he is. When I met you, you were not very excited for what you were going to do. Oh, no. I was like so excited. I was just a little bit nervous at the same time. I wasn't sure how to act. Yeah. Now you're transforming in front of us. And that was amazing. That was flawless. It was super fun. It was showmanship as well. It doesn't in theory sound super exciting, but this was so incredible. I mean, again, I don't think that there's a human inside of you. Probably a robot. I don't know. Because your eyes were like. It was incredible. You've just done. Incredible. What you did was truly amazing. And I love how you underplayed it. And then you just dazzled us. So we are going to vote. I would like to start off with the first yes. We love being surprised. That was a big surprise the whole time. And that's why you've now got four yeses. How do you feel right now? I'm just really happy to have gotten four yeses. That was really unexpected. Well, you deserve it. You deserve it. You did such a great job, my man. Absolutely incredible.
    4 人回報・2 則回應・4 年前
  • Oh, we like war. We like war. We're a war-like people. We like war because we're good at it. You know why we're good at it? Because we get a lot of practice. This country's only 200 years old and already we've had 10 major wars. We average a major war every 20 years in this country, so we're good at it. And it's a good thing we are. We're not very good at anything else anymore. Can't build a decent car. Can't make a TV set or a VCR. What the fuck? Got no steel industry left. Can't educate our young people. Can't get health care to our old people. But we can bomb the shit out of your country, all right? We can bomb the shit out of your country, all right? Especially if your country is full of brown people. Oh, we like that, don't we? That's our hobby. That's our new job in the world, bombing brown people. Iraq, Panama, Grenada, Libya. You've got some brown people in your country. Tell them to watch the fuck out. Or we'll goddamn bomb them. But when's the last white people you can remember that we bombed? Can you remember the last white? Can you remember any white people we've ever bombed? The Germans. Those are the only ones. And that's only because they were trying to cut in on our action. They wanted to dominate the world. Bullshit. That's our fucking job. Think of how we started. Think of that. This country was founded by a group of slave owners who told us all men are created equal. Oh yeah. All men. Except for Indians and niggers and women, right? Always like to use that authentic American language. This was a small group of unelected white male land-holding slave owners who also suggested their class be the only one allowed to vote. Now that is what's known as being stunningly and embarrassingly full of shit. I think Americans really show their ignorance when they say they want their politicians to be honest. What are these fucking cretins talking about? If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse. No one would know what to do. Honesty would fuck this country up. And I think deep down Americans know that. That's why they elected and re-elected Bill Clinton. That's why. Because the American people like their bullshit right out front where they can get a good strong whiff of it. Clinton might be full of shit, but at least he lets you know it. Dole tried to hide it, didn't he? Dole kept saying, I'm a plain and honest man. Bullshit. People don't believe that. What did Clinton say? He said, hi folks, I'm completely full of shit, and how do you like that? And the people said, you know something, at least he's honest.
    1 人回報・2 則回應・4 年前
  • https://www1.president.go.kr/petitions/Temp/yl2lee [A 28-year-old young woman was killed by a drunk driver while crossing a crosswalk.] On the evening of November 6, 2020, a 28-year-old promising young woman was hit by a drunk driver while crossing the street on a green pedestrian light. She was killed on the spot. She was my closest friend and beloved neighbor, nearing five years of residence in Korea as a foreigner. She was a passionate student who worked harder for her dreams than anyone else. Despite years of living a difficult life in a foreign land, her affections for Korea ran deeper than anyone I knew. Perhaps Korea was the country where my friend would have wanted to stay, rather than returning to her home country. This beloved friend was hit by a drunk driver and was forcibly deprived of all of her future opportunities and dreams, dreams and hopes that any young person would have nurtured, would have dreamed of; she was sent to a place of no return. My friend’s parents, who were allowed only a brief stay in Korea due to COVID-19, were told by the authorities that the driver would actually receive a softer punishment because the accident happened while the perpetrator was drunk. A drunk driving accident is not just something that can happen to my friend. It can happen to any of our family and friends, regardless of nationality, age, or gender. Drinking and driving is premeditated murder and requires more, not less, severe punishment than other crimes. There is only one reason for this petition. My friend, who has gone to heaven, cannot return. My only hope is of a future where no more precious lives, not even one, have to be taken in terrible drunk driving accidents such as this. That this tragic event will never repeat for any of our families, our friends, and our loved ones, we urge stronger penalties for drunk driving-related crimes.
    1 人回報・1 則回應・6 年前
  • Okay, I'm just going to stand here and take this all in 40 years not letting go of this. So just quickly, thank you Hollywood Foreign Press for giving me this honor. It's been an amazing journey and incredible fight to be here today. But I think it's been worth it. I remember when I first came to Hollywood. It was a dream come true until I got here because look at this face. I came here and was told you're a minority and I'm like, no, that's not possible. And then someone said to me, you speak English. I mean, forget about them not knowing Korea, Japan, Malaysia, Asia, India. And then I said, yeah, the flight here was about 13 hours long. So I learned. As time went by, as I just turned, I turned 60 last year. And I think all of you women understand this as the days, the years and the numbers get bigger, it seems like opportunities start to get smaller as well. And I probably was at a time where I thought, well, hey, come on, girl, you had a really, really good run. You worked with some of the best people, Steven Spielberg, Jim Cameron and Danny Boyle. And so it's good. It's all good. Then along came the best gift, everything, everywhere. All at once. Shut up, please. I can beat you up, okay? And that's serious. And I thank you, A24, Leyline, for believing in these two goofy, insanely smart, wonderful geniuses, the Daniels, who had the courage, who had the courage to write about a very ordinary immigrant, aging woman, mother, daughter, who was the worst thing trying to do her audit. She was being audited by the IRS, played by the most amazing Jamie Lee Curtis. I love you. I was given this gift of playing this woman who resonated so deeply with me and with so many people, because at the end of the day, in whatever universe she was at, she was just fighting, fighting for love, for her family. And without Evelyn Wong was no one without Kee Kwe Kwan, Raymond Wong, and there was no joy in her life without Stephanie Hsu, the most amazing Stephanie Hsu, and my hard dog lover, Jamie Lee Curtis. To Jonathan Wong, my producer, thank you for being there with us every step of the way. My managers, David Unger and Kit Wong, who believed in me. And this is also for all the shoulders that I stand on, all who came before me, who looks like me, and all who are going on this journey with me forward. So thank you for believing in us. Thank you. Thank you so much.
    2 人回報・1 則回應・3 年前
  • (fyi) This is the new thing these days with people out of work and needing cash. Beware, it's headed our way. Warning..!!!! Warning..!!!! Warning..!!!! Just last weekend on Friday night we parked in a public parking area. As we drove away I noticed a sticker on the rear window of the car. When I took it off after I got home, it was a receipt for gas.. Luckily my friend told me not to stop as it could be someone waiting for me to get out of the car.. Then we received this email yesterday: WARNING FROM POLICE THIS APPLIES TO BOTH WOMEN AND MEN BEWARE OF PAPER ON THE BACK WINDOW OF YOUR VEHICLE--NEW WAY TO DO CARJACKINGS (NOT A JOKE) Heads up everyone! Please, keep this circulating.... You walk across the parking lot, unlock your car and get inside. You start the engine and shift into reverse. When you look into the rearview mirror to back out of your parking space, you notice a piece of paper stuck to the middle of the rear window. So, you shift into Park, unlock your doors, and jump out of your car to remove that paper (or whatever it is) that is obstructing your view. When you reach the back of your car, that is when the carjackers appear out of nowhere, jump into your car and take off. They practically mow you down as they speed off in your car. And guess what, ladies? I bet your purse is still in the car. So now the carjacker has your car, your home address, your money, and your keys. Your home and your whole identity are now compromised! BEWARE OF THIS NEW SCHEME THAT IS NOW BEING USED. If you see a piece of paper stuck to your back window, just drive away. Remove the paper later.. And be thankful that you read this e-mail. I hope you will forward this to friends and family, especially to women. A purse contains all kinds of personal information and identification documents, and you certainly do NOT want this to fall into the wrong hands. Please keep this warning going
    2 人回報・1 則回應・5 年前
  • We learned this morning that the FDA is now saying that it's OK to take ivermectin if you have COVID. I mean, Senator, I remember talking with you repeatedly during COVID about your upset that you were they were trying to cancel you because you were talking to doctors to try to find out the right ways to treat COVID without having to get too many boosters and COVID shots. My COVID was gone in a day when I took ivermectin. And now three years later, the FDA says, oh, yeah, that's fine. Take ivermectin. What? Maria, you know, the doctors I've been dealing with and talking to for years now, they believe that probably hundreds of thousands of Americans lost their lives because they were denied really treatment. And they were denied it because the FDA sabotaged, for example, ivermectin. They said, come on, y'all, you're not a cow, you're not a horse. This is supposedly horse medicine. No, this is a Nobel Prize-winning medicine that could have saved hundreds of thousands of lives. It did save many, many lives because people you did have doctors with the courage to and the compassion to actually treat patients using it and putting at risk their medical license. But unfortunately, you say, what can we do? Well, we do have reporters like yourself like John Solomon, other people that have the courage to report the truth against the mainstream media and against the narrative. But that's the only way this is going to be solved is we need the truth to be exposed. We need more Americans to listen to the truth, to be exposed to the truth, to pull their heads out in the sand, quite honestly, open up their eyes and understand what is happening in this country. We are going down a very dangerous path, but it's a path that is being laid out and planned by an elite group of people that want to take total control over our lives. And that's what they're doing bit by bit. They do it by increasing massive government spending, increase the size of government, take over of the who, these amendments that are coming up that are going to be voted on in 2024, the who are frightening and they really risk taking away all of our sovereignty. People have to awaken to the dangers of the moment.
    2 人回報・1 則回應・3 年前
  • We like war. We like war. We're a war like people. We like war because we're good at it. You know why we're good at it? Because we get a lot of practice. This country's only 200 years old and already we've had 10 major wars. We average a major war in this country every 20 years, so we're good at it. Got no steel industry left, can't get healthcare or old people, can't educate our young people, but we can bomb the shit out of your country, alright? Everybody complains about politicians. Everybody says they suck. Well, where do people think these politicians come from? They don't fall out of the sky. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, and they're elected by American citizens. This is the best we can do, folks. This is what we have to offer. It's what our system produces. Garbage in, garbage out. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, if you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. So maybe, maybe, maybe it's not the politicians who suck. Maybe something else sucks around here, like the public. Yeah, the public sucks. There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody. Yeah, the public sucks. There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody. The public sucks. Fuck hope. Fuck hope. It's never going to get any better. Don't look for it. Be happy with what you got. Because the owners of this country don't want that. I'm talking about the real owners now. The real owners, the big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. Forget the politicians. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don't. You have no choice. You have owners. They own you. They own everything. They own all the important land. They own and control the corporations. They've long since bought and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls. They've got the judges in their back pockets. And they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. They got you by the balls. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying, lobbying to get what they want.
    2 人回報・1 則回應・3 年前
  • We like war. We like war. We're a war like people. We like war because we're good at it. You know why we're good at it? Because we get a lot of practice. This country's only 200 years old and already we've had 10 major wars. We average a major war in this country every 20 years, so we're good at it. Got no steel industry left, can't get healthcare for our old people, can't educate our young people, but we can bomb the shit out of your country, alright? Everybody complains about politicians. Everybody says they suck. Well, where do people think these politicians come from? They don't fall out of the sky. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, and they're elected by American citizens. This is the best we can do, folks. This is what we have to offer. It's what our system produces. Garbage in, garbage out. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, if you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. So maybe, maybe, maybe it's not the politicians who suck. Maybe something else sucks around here, like the public. Yeah, the public sucks. There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody. Yeah, the public sucks. There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody. The public sucks. Fuck hope. Fuck hope. It's never going to get any better. Don't look for it. Be happy with what you got. Because the owners of this country don't want that. I'm talking about the real owners now. The real owners, the big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. Forget the politicians. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don't. You have no choice. You have owners. They own you. They own everything. They own all the important land. They own and control the corporations. They've long since bought and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls. They've got the judges in their back pockets, and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. They got you by the balls. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying to get what they want.
    2 人回報・1 則回應・3 年前